From messenger-cancerous tumour to embracing a deeper truth

 In Relationship With Yourself, Self-Mastery, You & The Universe

I’ve witnessed many a miracle in sharing Infinite Silence (our divine essence) with people all over the world. This particular experience we are honoured to share in is from a dear friend Lin who lives in Los Angeles. Lin and I met through an international spiritual blog that was lovingly called The Pond managed by another dear friend Aisha/Bente who lives in Oslo.

Cutting a much longer story short it came to pass much to the surprise of us all at The Pond that some of us would meet in Crete in 2014. How this all came about is another miracle in itself but suffice it to say we all participated in a 26 person, 14 countries represented Gathering in Grace in which Infinite Silence called me to share there.

Lin takes up her experience here: September 2014

I was putting the dinner dishes away when suddenly Philip Wade’s impending Infinite Silence/ Spheres of Light Gathering on the Island of Crete popped into my awareness. I reflected on those Ponders already signed up and was ready to dismiss further consideration of it until suddenly a wave of powerful energy ran from my feet and up my legs, continued upward along my spine to my head and back down… and repeated just as powerfully. THAT had never occurred before or since. I stood stick-straight and realised I had better consider attending even though a few seconds previously I had no desire or inclination to go. Whatever Infinite Silence now bids me to do, I do.

So fast forward, including four days plus 2 days travel time later, mid-October, I arrived back in California, from Crete. My new dear Friend(s) Philip (and his delightful wife, Sue) had led us in a life-changing Magical workshop on the Island of Crete, Greece, introducing us personally to Infinite Silence/Spheres of Light (pure consciousness). It had happened so quickly, it felt as though I had blinked and it was over, perhaps due to deep jet lag.

After the group final dinner, we all walked out onto the veranda where I was unknowingly to be Gifted with another life-changing experience, even beyond the Gathering. With Aisha/Bente standing to my direct left looking on—the others merrily and loudly exchanging hugs and final words, paying no attention to us three—dear Philip asked me to look deep into his eyes. He told me it was/is called “Open Gaze”. He invited me to literally see and experience what is known as Infinite Silence/All That Is through his eyes. I was deeply sobbing and gazing through constant tears for quite some time even though I was also feeling “I’m not worthy to see this Loveliness, this JOY, this Miracle” and then be shown even more, more deeply. I was stunned into complete Love and JOY as if I had been struck with lightning. I had embraced Infinite Silence, and It had embraced me. Any words I have used for this experience are trite, lifeless and unsuitable to describe this experience, this Gift. There are no words. That JOY-filled experience is etched into my total being-ness.

Lin continues: Easter Sunday, March 2016

Long story short, since Crete, I continued wth my spiritual path with a small group. Fast forward—again—to Easter Sunday, March 2016, where this continuing part of my journey intensified and exploded. At 3:00 in the morning my wonderful husband drove me to the emergency room/hospital with extreme abdominal pain. One-and-a-half hours later, happily floating on a heavenly cloud of morphine, I was advised I had colorectal cancer. The mass was, at the very least, 3 inches * 2 inches (73mm * 45mm) and adhered to various organs: kidneys/ureters/bladder and vagina. Even with the benefits of Chemo, radiation and surgery there was a strong possibility of a very low quality of life with catheters and intestinal bags being required on a permanent basis requiring emptying every few hours.

Within 36 hours and after numerous tests, I had the first surgery of three: segregation of a sizeable tumour and colostomy. Chemotherapy and radiation followed in which it was hoped some shrinkage of the mass may occur so that the organs could be saved or at least partially saved.

As events unfolded Surgery 2 was removal of scar tissue, colostomy reversal and ileostomy; and 3, the last surgery, occurred in April 2017: ileostomy reversed and digestive tract restored to full working order.

At no point was the tumour physically removed yet my body was 100% whole and after recovery, functioning normally. All CAT scans still reveal my body/all lymph nodes completely “clean.”

The following is the jewel of my journey: a couple of weeks after the first surgery and back at home, I felt called to email Philip Wade in North Yorkshire, England. I asked for his help in Infinite Silence. Once I could sit up in a chair for about 30 minutes, Philip gifted me with POWERFUL sessions via Skype; it seems I needed only two sessions as the second session “took.” A realisation emerged that I had a false belief within my subconscious that was allowing what I call “The Messenger”/tumour to reside within my body. It was revealed it had to do with my painful childhood and not being able to completely forgive others… and, more importantly, myself. The very second I allowed the forgiveness in, “The Messenger” was gone; I felt it. In fact, Philip had a vision later that night that confirmed this event.

Philip’s words:  It was clear to me instantly in both these first two witnessed experiences in Infinite Silence that Lin was prepared to open deeply to her truth. The invitation from your truth is ever present and my pointing to Lin was simply to let what is your highest good in relation to this tumour emerge now to be seen and witnessed from Infinite Silence. To let the tumour convey its message was central to this. In the first session, it was evident a beautiful opening into Infinite Silence was occurring and in the second it was crystal clear a deep shift and release of a limiting belief and attachment had unfolded from the consciousness shift I witnessed. It was physically palpable. Later that night an unexpected powerful vision was shown to me in a meditative state of the tumour having been ‘lasered‘ and annihilated from the source that IS Infinite Silence. This vision was shared with Lin along with the message: let us see what the medical tests show and remain open to your highest and greatest good.

Lin: A colonoscopy test before the second surgery revealed that the tumour had simply vanished to the dismay of all the doctors. At a post-surgery follow up visit with my surgeon, he confirmed to me that the tumour had indeed “disappeared.” Upon my further questioning, he said he had seen “other things,” but “never this.”

Notwithstanding the above test result, at another meeting before the second surgery, there was a consultation where my surgeon accompanied by other doctors described thoroughly all possibilities without camouflaging anything exactly what I could be facing for the remainder of my life noted in brief above. My girlfriend and I (husband unavailable for that meeting) were stunned; after the doctors exited the room, she solemnly, lovingly offered me one of her kidneys! I couldn’t speak.

My head was swimming with medical words, possibilities, fears, shock, numbness. As we walked silently to the elevator, I was looking down at my feet—blankly watching each step and then heard the words, “You’re going to be okay,” as though someone spoke them from 10,000 miles away; my consciousness barely heard them. My brain was frozen. I remember thinking, “I wonder who spoke those words and to whom?”, and “How can I hear them from that distance?” I looked up to see, still in a daze, my eyes barely able to focus, and there standing in front of me at the elevator was an old man with a full salt and pepper beard. Again, looking straight into my eyes, he repeated, “You’re going to be okay.” I was blinking a lot because I couldn’t focus, and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing. For a third time, he said, “You’re going to be okay,” and then added, “It’s all up to you.” The last five words hit me like a giant bell had gonged within and was reverberating loudly throughout my entire body. Right then and there I made the commitment even through all the brain fog that I could do this, I could do whatever it would take to live a good life and be free of all the “possibilities” the good surgeon had just moments ago described.

As we—still mute—exited the elevator, I slowly turned around to wave acknowledgement to this old man, short in stature and quite thin, dressed in black. As we neared my girlfriend’s car, I finally spoke and asked her if she had just seen and heard what I had. We both feel he was a walking, talking other worldly Being. We experienced him as though he had exited out of a shared dream into our reality. I Bless him continually.

Additionally, a couple of weeks after the second surgery, all of my three doctors and various other professionals urged me to agree to an immediate second round of chemotherapy. My body and my Intuition both screamed out, “NO!” It didn’t make sense as it had already been revealed with confirming evidence that the tumour had disappeared completely, and the follow up CAT scan revealed I was 100% clean including all lymph nodes. I turned yet again to Philip and another Infinite Silence witnessed experience. Philip with his calm demeanour and energy of Infinite Silence cemented my decision—to listen to and obey my body and my Intuition. The doctors and professionals were not happy and were fearful for my wellbeing. I remember Dear Philip’s words: “Doubt the doubters.”

Philip: Always the guidance of ultimate truth is to be open to the highest and greatest good. If this meant more Chemo and Surgery then my view was so be it, if it meant saying no to some of or all of that then so be that also. As Lin deepened into Infinite Silence once again it was clear from the insights that emerged and the fears and beliefs that were released that her highest truth knew that no more Chemo was necessary, there was no cancer anywhere left to be removed. It also knew that the other surgeries were necessary to reverse or complete other procedures and bring her body back to normal working order. When you are certain of the message emerging from your deepest truth it is wise to follow it otherwise you will suffer. Truth is an experience not a belief and in the session, insight from the Silence encouraged Lin to be crystal clear what her truth was speaking. Once this was clear and felt, one is able to release doubt hence the comment doubt the doubters. Your body, your truth knows what is best and it is vital to be crystal clear on this before acting.

Lin: Here is my truth: Philip is open to receiving Infinite Silence/God, so Infinite Silence/God gently resides fully, consciously within him. My understanding now is that we all have this and are this, but we stop it due to feelings/beliefs of unworthiness, etc. When one meditates with Philip either in a Gathering or via his website video (the latter where his connected energy to Infinite Silence is embedded) one is transported more easily into Infinite Silence until one no longer needs this aid and can realise that on their own. Of course, there are others “out there” like Philip, a gentleman by the way of Integrity, Honesty, Honour and JOY, who can also do the same. Don’t mistake anyone with a merry and kind Heart as being weak; they are anything but.

Philip: Lin was guided to share this experience with you and what a blessing to be her witness. Life is miraculous and we are all living miracles. The experiential realisation of the SELF, Self Realisation in this body known as Philip made this unequivocally clear.

It is evident to me that Lin received essential medical support from a team of doctors committed to her recovery and for that I know she is truly grateful. It goes without saying, also huge support from her loving husband; all these elements make a difference.

It would be very easy to focus purely on the miraculous disappearance of the tumour as the key here. After all, it went from a large mass to nothing at all in a very short space of time. This was way beyond anything the doctors would have reasonably hoped for. As beautiful and miraculous as this was, giving Lin a normal life back, that would miss a larger point!

What happened, in truth, is a profoundly important and deep shift in consciousness ultimately moving from fear to a deeper experience of the Love that we ALL are. It is the consciousness shift that comes first and the body follows that. I’ve seen Lin grow increasingly more fully into her truth ever since Crete. The reason this has happened is that she has chosen deeply to let go things that she is not, the beliefs, identifications and attachments (ego in other words) to allow more and more of her true SELF to emerge. The purity of our ultimate truth will use what tools that are necessary to invite us to that realisation. For Lin, a key part of that flowering has been, as she calls it, the messenger tumour and it was indeed that. Not something to be abhorred but to be listened to embraced and loved so that wholeness and realisation emerge.

You are already that which you truly seek. This is not your body, your personality but your divine essence. When you embrace that, SELF Realisation will be yours. There will be no small self left! You too can embrace this invitation to SELF Realisation for it truly is Life’s Greatest Gift.

Lin: My journey was fast and furious in its pacing—it seems as though it happened years and years ago probably because I was forced to live in the moment and didn’t get “stuck” emotionally. I’ve been Blessed with so many wondrous Blessings throughout my 13-month journey—with Philip especially being at the very tip top of my list. And, btw, kind laughter, quiet JOY, persistence and Gratitude kept me company throughout. 🙂 I now brisk-walk over 3 miles daily, work out on my portable aero Pilates machine for core strength and flexibility and inhabit a completely normal-functioning and vibrantly healthy body. Thank you for listening, and again, Thank You all, and always my dear friend, Philip Wade!!

Blessings of Infinite Silence to each of you & yours. xo Lin 🙂

2023 Update: Recently Philip was asked a question about healing in Silence Meditation and this is captured in this Live-Stream Extract and Lin’s experience above is referenced so it’s now included here for completeness:

If you have any questions about the spiritual realisation aspects of this journey I will address them. For now I ask that any questions be focussed on that in order that Lin may continue to embrace the beautiful position she has found herself in and have the space to embrace that.

Questions or comments may be posted by scrolling down below the Recommended Posts section of this page. You can type your input there. Please remember to tick the box so that you will be notified when your comment has gone live and I have had chance to respond. This process is to avoid any spam.

Typographical note: For everyone’s benefit naturally Lin wrote her pieces using the common spellings in the US e.g. Tumor = Tumour (UK) for consistency with the rest of this site those spellings are in standard UK spellings.

Blessings as Infinite Silence,


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Showing 12 comments
  • Reply

    Thank you so for sharing Lyn and Phillip , as i was in the group on Crete, too 1n 2014. I have been diagnosed with Tripple negative breastcanser a month ago and had the second chemo , yesterday. Treatments are to continue for 5 month. Maybe you can see the possibility to see me on Skype, Phillip ?. Love and blessings, Susse

    • Philip Wade

      Blessings to you Susse and indeed you were! Sorry to hear about your recent news. I would be very happy to see you on Skype Susse at a mutually convenient time. I will email you soon and we can arrange something. Blessings and Love in Infinite Silence, Philip

  • Leothilda

    Truly a beautiful journey this came out to be! I´ve learned that Chemo breaks down your body, instead of recovering it. My father went through it twice, without betterment. Yes, your intuition is the best tool. Thank you so much for sharing, Philip and Lin. Many blessings to you both.

  • Areeza

    So very powerful and thank you both for having us be able to bear witness.
    In 2013 as you may recall, I had my Uterine tumor surgically removed. Along with it went old, dusty, pent up things that were not to be brought with me any longer. When something dense leaves your energy field it is So freeing.
    Here’s to the highest Love & Light – Now & Always expanding in that which Is our Space to Completely BE – Your Kindred Friend & Sister, Areeza✨

    • Philip Wade

      Bless you Areeza and you are welcome!

      I recall I came to Bente/Aisha’s blog sometime early 2013 and have a little recollection of that. Yes, leaving behind that which no longer serves you is incredibly freeing. Many blessings in Sacred Infinite Silence to you. Philip

  • maximilian

    I am sitting here crying, sobbing.. Even though I was not active in the comment section of aishas site, i was always so very connected to the pond and all the gatherings – and almost also came to meeting in greece in 2014. My last four months have been so very similar in this journey.. My initial ‘messenger’ was taken away with an operation last christmas, yet the lessons it wanted to convey where not fully seen yet, so it came back four months ago. Selfworth, forgivness and allowing and being able to accept the infinite, divine love that is all around, that is me are the messenges; with a major internal breakthrough just yesterday night, connected to childhood, to letting go of pain, to learning to forgive..
    Even the size of it was almost the same as Lin’s… I’ve always known and felt that chemo & fighting it are not the way to healing; loving it, understanding it, embracing it!
    Yet, its been such a hard, long, lonely road since most in my surroundings are so very worried and afraid and not understanding my approach.
    and now, seeing this now since Aisha shared it on facebook.. the confirmations… the synchronicities..

    If you could find time to talk Philip I would be so eternally grateful!
    with all my love

    • Philip Wade

      Bless you Maximillian and thank you for taking the time to read this and share some of your own journey. It is beautiful that it is speaking to you. I would be very happy to speak with you Maximillian. So delighted you have had a breakthrough by the way you describe it, it sounds an important one.

      My Skype ID is: reconnective if you are on Skype. Otherwise we can connect via facebook messenger if you are on that. Blessings as Infinite Silence, Philip

  • Tijen

    What an amazing journey. Thanks for making us a part of it by sharing dear Lin and Philip! God bless you!

    • Philip Wade

      Thank you and bless you Tijen, thank you for taking the time to read it and share in it. Philip

  • Nancee Doan

    What an amazing journey that you’ve had and continue to have Lin. Who knew when we met Philip in Crete that he’d play such a wonderful role in your life. I know that sharing so publicly will be a stretch for you and I stand in awe at your new found courage and peace in doing so. May we all meet in the Infinite Silence of knowing, that no matter what, all is well… especially when we are willing to open up knowing ourselves. Much love to you Lin.

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